2024: The year I finally landed in my life. And moving to Philadelphia (through Austin TX)

(The most vulnerable post I have ever written)

Short story

Note: there is a sequel to this post, Trauma is good for you: Authentic Relating and "karma acceleration", that gets to the point faster. This here is the back-story.

This may be the most vulnerable post I have ever written, as I get "down and dirty" around the successes and failures (both stupendous) of the year I spent in Mexico, and the commune I attempted to start here.

The story is long, so read as much or as little as you want. It's been 11 years since the bank took back the commune in Philadelphia that Rebekah and I ran for 3 years, starting in 2007. That experience was so trippy I have been trying to get back to that lifestyle ever since. The effort has, however, been something of a “journey through the wilderness”, of back-to-back business and relational failures. Or maybe something like "sound and fury signifying nothing". But not any more. I am winning everywhere right now. 

Anyway, here are some accomplishments in the last year:

• I created a lovely home for myself in Chapala, Mexico, and started a commune here. The commune was what we call a "successful failure" (aka major shit-show), but hugely developmental

• I launched my professional Authentic Relating (AR) career, and created a presence for myself in the Intentional Community (IC) movement now as well

• I figured out how to pay my bills on a Social Security income

• I became a 4.0 tennis player, with the help of my live-in tennis pro and human optimization specialist, Nick

• Became a passable vegan cook

• Formed some deep and powerful new relationships and businesses partnerships

• Got a deep and humbling education about the less attractive aspects of my characterology, and the challenges of being an Authentic Relating evangelist

• Returned to my Intentional Community dream and found a place in Vermont that just might work

• And now, returning to Philadelphia, where, a long time ago, I spent the happiest years of my life...

My story with Namaste Village

The lowest point in the story occurred in early 2023. I had been on the road for close to 10 years at that point (including two years in Thailand and India). I had some quite interesting experiences on these travels but nothing had stuck. I found myself in Albuquerque New Mexico with no friends (let alone girlfriends), little money, in yet another dysfunctional living situation. My so-called "unbearable lonely horniness" was ubiquitous, having received no romantic attention at all in the previous 10 years. Perhaps related to some sexual trauma and my story that I am too broke, crazy and ugly to attract any self-respecting woman. Then I had my stroke. I spent the next 3-4 months managing all the medical follow-up, which was complex.

In June 2023, Rebekah (who was living in Puerto Vallarta at the time) turned me on to a Mexican expat village called Ajijic, near Guadalajara. They said it was paradise. I found an intentional community there called Namaste Village, a kind of spiritually-focused IC loosely based on ACIM (A Course in Miracles). I flew in for a visit, liked it, and in July 2023 drove down with my car and half my stuff.

Any objective assessment of my prospects at that point would not have been favorable. Here I was in a new town, with little money, somewhat traumatized by all these events,  and a decade of failures which had shot my confidence. And yet somehow, miraculously, the day I moved to Namaste Village, my life started turning around. Those angels took me in, healed me, and restored my confidence. Here is how it happened.

Not too long after  I arrived at Namaste, I started running developmental groups based on my 4-week course, Practical Relational Leadership through Authentic Relating (or PRL). I had been running these online for groups of friends, and quite successfully, for 7 years (actually, my only success in this otherwise tale of woe), but never on-the-ground (I had moved to Mexico as I desperately wanted on-the-ground friends and community). I ran two sections of the course at Namaste, which were both home-runs. They were so successful that we ran another section at a nearby IC, which was also a home-run.

And then, the Namaste PRL group started running a weekly hot-seat game which ran to sometimes packed rooms of 25 for a month and a half. I could hardly believe it. I had dropped into a new town where I knew nobody, in a state of semi-trauma, and within a few months I had a close circle of friends (my students in  the local PRL); and even more incredible, these student/friends were running highly successful AR events. AR evangelist was really scoring here.

And then, Authentic Relating in Ajijic died. And the Namaste circle fired me

People lost interest, and/or got busy with other things. I ran a few AR games (hot-seats) at another location which were fun, but I could not get anyone to come to circles. The Namaste group did, however, continue for 6 more months weekly and was incredible, my favorite thing to do all week.

And then the Namaste circle fired me. I was like: WTF??? I taught these people AR, enrolled every one in the group and brought them powerful community, led the group for 6 months for free; and they decide overnight they are done with me? Overnight, I lost almost all my friends in town, 5 of them. Or let's say 4, as one of them stuck with me. I have hardly spoken to the others since. I am too scared to ask, and maybe they too. I suppose it would be a little awkward to thank them for fucking me over. They bootstrapped my AR career (see below), so I really can't be angry.

The situation here is complex ("in relationship, everyone is right" -- a basic principle of AR, also known as "multiple simultaneous perspectives"). Another important principle of AR, is that people do the best they can all the time, and hence it is very foolish to be angry when they don't show up for you the way that you want. I will be writing more about that here. Moving on for now. 

I did learn a few valuable lessons from the experience. First is that I a much greater dick than I realized. “Recovering asshole” has always been my trademark. Focus on “recovering” here. It’s also true that I am even more of an asshole when I am unhappy (granted, a very human characteristic); but since happiness is not an emotion that I have been very familiar with lately, the situation has become worse.

The second important thing I learned, is that Authentic Relating is not a mass-consumption product. Indeed, Marco Beneteau is not a mass-consumption product either. This has been a humbling realization. Fortunately for me, I have also discovered that where there is resonance, it is very strong. Halleluja. 

I have to say as well, that it's not a culture-match for me here in Ajijic. Ultimately, I am just not resonant with this town, especially with what I call "the muggle expat retirees" (whose goal is to maximize dollar-value and enjoyment of life before they die), and the "spiritual bypassers" (whose goal is to find God by changing their thoughts). I am looking for depth of connection and impact and transformation and complexity (maybe even a little mishigas -- I like to say that when I am bored I create problems for myself and others for the pleasure of solving them, and/or the developmental value). I am also looking to make converts to my religion and to take over the world with Authentic Relating, also known as the Master Plan for World Domination or MPWD. I totally get that this is not everyone's cup of tea. It's actually a miracle that things at Namaste Village went as far as they did. I am really kind of in awe. Those fuckers gave me my life.

The founding of the commune, Authentic Relating Village

In January 2024 I moved into a residential hotel in Chapala, the adjoining town. My 20-year friend Claudine lived there (I had known her in Morehouse days in Yonkers New York). We actually became neighbors. It was quite cheap, too (under $500/mth). I had another great adventure, driving to Albuquerque and back and returning with all my stuff. I thought I had found a home, after 10 years of wandering in the desert. I was going to stick it out.

Starting an IC at a residential hotel is really the perfect setup, because you can expand simply by renting out additional units. The hotel also came with a retreat center, a nice bonus. I started offering month-long residential retreat intensives in AR.

The problem is that I was never able to get critical mass in terms of residents. The most people we ever had, was 3 including me. All of them from the global AR community, none of them local. In fact, the project attracted zero local attention. One of my residents ran a very successful AR game locally, but that was it.

And the few people who came were... problematic. Of course I am problematic too. At one point, I heard of a rumor in town that I blow up all my relationships with women. This is quite unkind, as I blow up relationships with women and men equally.

In my defense, running an IC is difficult and running an AR IC, doubly so. As far as I know, nobody has even tried starting an AR IC.

And also, strong leaders naturally attract strong projections. One such projection might be -- I am only imagining this because nobody has ever said this to me directly, typically they just blow out with no communication -- the projection I am imagining is perhaps: "crazy-fuck Marco, a dangerous narcissist imagining he is a leader in a global movement for social transformation, when he really should just find a good shrink and/or up his meds". This projection, like all projections, is not entirely false. But it is only a part of the truth. The other part is that I give good circles and I give good community, often for free. For this reason, I have perhaps a higher level of compassion (or acceptance of) my crazy-fuckness (or reactivity) than other people do. I do hope that my "victims" can forgive me.

Anyway. The commune created some of the worst shit-show relationships of my life, but I learned and grew a lot. I give myself credit for trying. I also give myself credit for "throwing myself on the altar of my own religion", allowing it to heal me and purify me. I will be writing more on this topic on Authentic Relating & Circling Leader.

The truth is, that every time I lose a friend, it breaks my heart. Even -- and maybe especially -- when those friends are being totally crazy from my perspective. I am still feeling into this, my broken-heartedness, specifically around the senselessness and cruelty of the world. Fully owning it would give me more integrity and more power. 

The explosion of my AR and IC career

Fortunately, the best was yet to come. Otherwise I might be thinking of hanging myself.

In January I launched the PRL's as a professional offer to the global AR community. The groups have been filling every month from my newsletter and from organic traffic to the Circling Guide newsletter, and earning me enough of an income ($500-600 per group) to pad my Social Security to keep me alive. Moreover, the groups have, for the most part, been amazing. I call this "where your deep gladness meets the world's deep need" [Frederick Buechner]. It's a wonderful thing to have discovered my true calling at the age of 64. Particularly after being beaten-down, battered-and-bruised for so long. It's also, I will confess, a quite satisfying  internal response to my critics: "success is the best form of revenge".

Things got even better in May. I reached out to the Global Eco-Village network, one of the largest associations of IC's in the world, to produce and market two AR courses. I partnered with Jason Digges, one of the most respected people in the AR world today, to teach his course (its called Authentic Relating in Community), and I have my own course which is a variant of the PRL. We managed to fill both courses which are in their third week now (out of 6), and both have been amazing. I am an intern in Jason's course, which has been a great learning experience. We are working now on running at least two more for a mid-September start, right after the Twin Oaks Communities Conference which I will be attending.

Why Philadelphia?

Well, my time here in Chapala has obviously come to and end. It's nice climate for sure, but not paradise. At least not for an AR and IC fanatic and to a person with an allergy to muggle expats and spiritual bypassers.

What's also true is that Philadelphia is my home town, at least as much as I have a home town. I have spent 10 years there, including the happiest years of my life which is when Rebekah and I were running the commune. A very dear friend of mine, Jeff S., is hosting me for the first month. Beyond that, we'll see.

Philadelphia is also quite close to what I call "the intentional community triangle", which is roughly bounded by Richmond to the south, Charlottesville to the west, and Fredericksburg to the north. This area about 50 miles wide has at least 20-30 IC's, many of them off-shoots (or satellite IC's) of Twin Oaks. I will be seeing many of these communities at the conference which happens over labor day 2024. There is also a place in Vermont I found which is quite promising. They have 400 acres of land near Brattleboro and are planning 5 villages of roughly 20-25 people there. One of these villages has my name on it. I would like to move Authentic Relating Village to Vermont.

The problem is that they have no buildings, which definitely adds complexity to the project. But remember, I like complexity.

Here is the Austin to Philadelphia itinerary. I will be spending July in Austin TX, currently the AR capital of the world, and where I have good friends as well. Looking forward to a little "road therapy".