The Dream Is Alive, Part 2
Is an Authentic Relating Intentional Community Even Possible?
If you haven’t read the previous article The Dream Is Alive, Part 1: The Trellis Community Story, you may want to start there for the context of where we are and what we’re seeking.
My passion for Intentional Community (IC) is 25 years old. In that earlier article, I explain my “why” and tell the full story of the commune I founded with my first wife, which ran from 2007–2013. A failed experiment, but a glorious one.
Before diving into the current situation, let me answer the question:
Is an Authentic Relating Intentional Community Even Possible?
Yes, absolutely—but it’s still experimental and edgy. As I shared in a prior article Trauma is Good For You, the more there is at stake, the harder it is to do AR. The stakes don’t get any higher than with people you are choosing to live with, hoping to grow old together, and with whom you have pooled your money to create a joint project. This is one of the reasons why most Intentional Communities fail. And even if they stay afloat, they often become total shit-shows.
There are currently two (and only two) ICs in the world fully sourced from Authentic Relating (AR) principles. I’ll share where they are at the end.
How Our Project Got Started
I’m part of a group of five people who met through an AR program Sophie and I ran about a year ago. When the program ended, we liked each other so much that we kept meeting weekly. At first, we had no particular agenda—we just went deep every time on our personal issues. It was kind of ecstatic, as good AR groups can be.
Soon, we discovered that we were all deeply interested in Intentional Community. We found an IC-in-formation near Lisbon called Neos and got excited, but ultimately decided not to invest. The main reason: we want multi-family housing and the ability to build our own homes—which doesn’t fit with Neos’ planned development model. (That model, standard for eco-villages, is easier for zoning approval but less flexible.)
Still, Neos remains immensely attractive: the idea is of a group of cultural creatives living in the we-space and collaborating on world-changing projects. The founders don’t explicitly claim AR roots, but they embody the kind of consciousness our group is seeking.
We are now looking to either join or—more likely—start an IC sourced directly from the Integral We-space. This is the umbrella-term for the kind of consciousness that Authentic Relating and Circling practices generate.
The Main Problem of ICs
The core challenge of intentional communities has always been the same: how can people truly get along? In a cultural-creative IC, the game is even higher—you don’t just want harmony, you want co-creation. You want to “create the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible” (Charles Eisenstein). We also want a focus on health and well-being and shared practices — what one member of our group cleverly calls an “AR-shram”.
To me, the main purpose of an IC is to bring together kind, caring, fun, funny, and smart people—people who spread joy and who have enough self-awareness to pull back when they’re not spreading joy. Such people attract like-minded souls and amplify each other’s impact.
There’s a common belief in the IC movement that strong agreements create good communities. Actually, no. Good ICs are created from love. Agreements and shared philosophies help, but they’re not the foundation. The foundations are emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and kindness. These things cannot be legislated, don’t happen “by accident” (meaning it’s a lot of work), and there is not a spiritual philosophy in the world that can guarantee it happening.
So the central question is: can higher states of consciousness and love be trained?
I would argue yes. Love emerges in the inter-subjective we-space—something AR directly facilitates. This takes a minute (or a lifetime) to master. But until people give up the illusion that there’s a single perfect philosophy or developmental model that guarantees harmony for all time (after we have agreed on it, of course)... until that happens, we’re stuck. Even AR is not exactly a “model”, as it’s emergent. It’s adaptive to the people and circumstances at hand.
Next Steps
If you’re interested in co-creating an AR-sourced IC with us, email me at marco@marcbeneteau.com or WhatsApp me at +49 1573 9667979. Our group is considering all locations right now, but we are in active conversations with a community in Virginia.
So Who Are the Two Existing AR ICs?
They’re both fairly early stages. Although there’s an explosion of eco-villages and co-housing projects worldwide, a true AR-sourced IC would raise the bar significantly.
Transformational Connection House (Portugal): Technically a guesthouse for AR practitioners. I recently heard the business model isn’t sustainable yet, and they’re exploring new directions. I spent several days there and loved it. Especially the daily circles.
Twin Peaks (working title) in Marshall, North Carolina: Not officially AR-branded, but with Sara and Geof at the helm, how could it not be? They just closed on the land and are offering six homesteading lots.
Interested in Authentic Relating?
Our next program starts Tuesday, Nov. 4
