Monetizing Authentic Relating
The Courage to Lead and my Entrepreneurial Awakening
My Takeaway: the real value isn't in creating AR programs. It's in using it to become magnetic
This article is part 2 of a series on bringing Authentic Relating into the world. Please also check out:
● Part 1, Couples in the trenches: Navigating the deep sexual we-space (relating to sexuality), and
● Part 3, Building AR Intentional Community: Lessons from the Edge (relating to Intentional Community)
This post is written for "Authentic Relating geeks", but also for anyone desiring to bring more consciousness into business. I will share my AR leadership journey, document my recent entrepreneurial awakening, and give you a roadmap for monetizing your AR training -- a topic of deep interest to many in the AR movement.
Here is where I am at today:
I discovered Authentic Relating in 2016 and never looked back. I wrote what became the most popular book on the practice of Circling, started leading free groups right away (which was bold), have been leading professionally for 1 1/2 years, and have gathered 1700 subscribers to my monthly newsletter and event digest in the AR space.
The results? Phenomenal personal growth, a wife I adore, friendships that sustain me through the darkest moments. Financially? Not so much.
But recently, something shifted. I stopped trying to monetize AR directly and started using it as a superpower in everything else I do. The difference has been profound.
This is the story of that shift—and why authenticity might be your most undervalued business asset.
What is Authentic Relating?
A quick note here for people who are not familiar with Authentic Relating.
AR is a peer-led, open-source movement for increasing EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and injecting more love into the world. It has many sources including Non-Violent Communication (NVC), Gestalt therapy, humanistic psychology and more.
Many consider AR, in Integral Psychology terms, a “transcend and include” of NVC. Meaning that it includes all the NVC practices, and more.
The core practice of AR is called Circling. Circling is an in-the-moment practice of being present to other people in a fully transparent, vulnerable and caring way. You can do this formally in a group, or you can simply do it with everyone you meet, also known as “Authentic Relating in the wild”. Directly below in the “Lisbon experiment” section, I give you an actual example of “Authentic Relating in the wild” — and how this practice has rocked my world, and continues to do so.
Many people, especially those trained in the Transformational Connection (previously Circling Europe) style of Circling, view it as a pure presence practice with no ulterior motive other than “to be more here”.
I beg to to differ. For me, Circling is a conversation for transformation held within a very specific relational container. All topics are permissible, provided that one’s underlying state and intentions are owned.
The Problem: Everyone's Broke (But Transformed)
Maybe 30 people worldwide derive a full-time income from delivering AR training. The rest of us either take a day-job, or use AR to supplement existing coaching, professional psychology, or facilitation offers.
Most money in AR goes to higher-level programs—the SAS trainings, Level Ups, ART International certifications, etc. It's still a small, exclusive club of "professional" AR leaders. I'm not there yet, and frankly, most of us never will be.
This isn't a criticism—it's just how it is. The movement continues growing despite limited financial opportunities for practitioners. We continue to generate huge impacts, to a degree which far exceeds our numbers. Which is fine, except when you need to eat.
For years, I wrestled with this reality. Should I get a "real job"? Or keep grinding toward the [pipe-] dream?
The Solution Was Right In My Face (But I Didn't See It)
The breakthrough came from practicing what I call "Authentic Relating in the wild"—bringing AR principles into every interaction, especially business ones. The results were immediate and surprising.
Before I get into that, however, let me bottom-line your options for deepening your AR practice and building your community:
Follow the traditional route of buying high-ticket AR training programs. It's a great idea and you will grow tremendously from it. Just don't go into this with the idea of making a career out of it, as you will likely be disappointed.
Start leading private recurring Circling groups (maybe after you have done some training). Do it for free initially, and invite your friends. It's extraordinary leadership training, costs you nothing, and can create tremendous personal benefits. If you are unsure what format to use, attend and then model Sophie's and my Authentic Relating in Community (ARC), which is a combination of AR and Circling.
Attend one of AuthRev's reasonably-priced Authentic Facilitator courses and start (or join) a local AR Games community. Be aware however, that like all options presented so far, this is (probably) your personal development hobby, not a career.
Start practicing "Authentic Relating in the Wild." Do that everywhere you show up, particularly in your business networking. This is the highest-leverage, most impactful action. Particularly in terms of income.
The Lisbon Experiment: Set Context. Lead. Adapt.
Here's what opened my eyes.
I mentioned in my prior article our AR peer group, which formed out of one of Sophie’s and my ARC’s. We decided we wanted to live together, and became interested in an intentional community in Portugal called Neos. Through that connection, I got invited to an entrepreneur conference in Lisbon called the Unicorn Summit.
The conference itself was a dud, but I saw an opportunity. I created a WhatsApp group of 15 Neos people attending the conference and positioned myself as unofficial "social director” of Neos people at the conference. No ulterior motive beyond connection. The idea was a no-brainer: these were natural allies, interested in both entrepreneurship and relational community.
I finally got five of us together for an informal meeting. This took quite a bit of work, by the way. I did not mind. It’s work that I enjoy doing.
Here's the key moment: nobody had agreed to my leadership, so I had to ask for it.
"I'm wondering if you all want to do a little Authentic Relating?" I suggested we each introduce ourselves with our story, then our interest in Neos. Note that these people knew that I did AR. In a new group, or with strangers, you may not choose to announce what you are doing as “Authentic Relating”. Otherwise, you will get a lot of questions which are going to be difficult to answer and ultimately take you off your game, as AR has to be modeled. It can’t be “taught” exactly.
Anyway: the first two check-ins were splendid. Then the group regressed into small talk.
I let them go for a bit, then intervened: "I already know person A and B," I said, "but I really want to know the others." The check-ins finished—high-five to our bold AR leader—but then they returned again into a disconnected conversation that bored me.
I said nothing, wondering what intervention I could make without coming across as "bossy bitch." Then one participant noticed I was unhappy and asked what was up.
Gratefully, I replied: “I'm not really engaged with this conversation. It feels too heady to me. I'm really looking for more heart connection." Then I suggested we do a go-around asking where everyone was at with the group. Basically, I asked them to return to present-moment, which is the fundamental AR practice.
My hands were shaking as I said this. I told them that too—that it felt edgy to ask.
One participant shared that he was totally fine with how the group was going and found it interesting. I simply mirrored that: “Got it. T, is happy. Who else?” T. became visibly more happy.
And then: magic happened. They got relational for about 15 minutes. Real sharing, real seeing, real connection. Eventually they drifted back to small talk, but I didn't push further. I'd already achieved something huge for me: I'd had the courage to lead.
Before leaving, I hugged one of the women (the one who'd picked up on my unhappiness). She told me she really appreciated me and what a heart-centered person I am.
AR leader, take a bow.
The incident was small. I am not aware that it made much of a difference for them. But I was transformed.
I continued reaching out for one-on-one contacts at the conference. I am actually much better at one-on-one than groups (you probably relate to this). I declared upfront that I wanted to give them an AR experience. They were more than willing, and many of those contacts were profound. I made lifetime friends, and maybe some business collaborators too.
The Real Insight: Authenticity, Truth, and Care Are Currency
Here's what I finally understood: the skills I'd been learning in circles—presence, truth-telling, attunement, leadership—weren't just for AR circles. They were the very skills that make someone magnetic in the world. In business, collaboration, any form of leadership.
Here is the crucial idea: I am not exactly selling my skills. I am selling the experience of being with me. Of receiving real attention. Of sharing love, essentially.
Not everyone will like it, or understand it. I have gotten push-back (although I haven’t yet heard “bossy bitch”… except from my family 😀). But those who do respond, will enrich my life. And I will enrich theirs. Relationally, economically – it doesn’t matter. I win either way.
The New Playbook: Authentic Relating as Business Strategy
What's missing from most AR communities is a culture of real-world impact. We go deep together, but we don't build things together. We support each other emotionally, but not economically.
So here's my new approach:
I practice "Authentic Relating in the wild."
I make friends first, then look for ways to add value to their lives. Sometimes that means enrolling them in my programs. Sometimes it means learning from them. Often it means joining our networks together.
I'm completely transparent about my context.
When I'm with warm groups or individuals, I announce that I'm bringing AR principles to our interaction. Most people respond favorably to attempts at deeper connection, even if they don't know what AR is. If I have mixed intent (meaning both personal and commercial), I name it immediately. This creates trust.
I am very deliberate about building my network
Every contact matters. At worst, I am getting happier. At best, I am making money. There is no way to lose. Sometimes I will get negative feedback — which just make me more effective at the next encounter. And more humble.
I follow-up
All deep connections are powerful. But, I have realized, follow-up is key. I need to become absolutely relentless, about adding value to the lives of people in my network.
Practically speaking, I am in the process of moving and tagging all my contacts into a professional CRM. I am also exploring ways of automating follow-up through AI.
What's Next: Building a Network of Relational Entrepreneurs
I continue to run AR programs. They are super-fun, impactful, and bring in some money. But I have two other business projects which I am actively pursuing.
I am using AR in all networking for my new business. AI Coach Live is an AI Agency startup. I have given up on AR as my primary income stream. But I am tremendously excited to find out how much money I can make, and how much fun I can have, as an AR business professional.
I am creating a network of relationally-skilled professionals who support each other's success in the broader world. See below to learn more about this.
Imagine AR-informed coaches, consultants, and creatives collaborating on real projects. Peer-led masterminds helping each other craft and test offers. A community where it's cool to succeed financially, socially, and emotionally while staying deeply authentic. A world where smart and relationally-attuned people lead, create, and build things that matter.
Imagine a world where authenticity – speaking truth with care, and care with truth – is the shared context. Rather than a scary and subversive idea that you can’t even mention without taking a deep breath.
Here is the big question: What happens when AR stops being just a personal growth tool and becomes a cultural operating system for work itself?
That’s the question I’m living into. And maybe, the next frontier for all of us.
Are you an experienced AR practitioner interested in bringing these skills into your professional life? I'm gathering a small group of relational entrepreneurs for an experimental program starting this fall. If this resonates, click below and drop me a line.
