When I was a child, I was happy: 40 years of life in 600 words

Left to right: my sister, me, brother, father and maternal grandfather. Ottawa, 1973

Context

This is a story I wrote during a We-flow immersion in Amsterdam which was an extraordinary experience. I like this story because I value conciseness, but rarely achieve it. This is the story of my life in 600 words. An exercise which I heartily recommend.

I hope you enjoy. If you do, please comment.

Act 1

When I was a child, I was happy. Surrounded by a large loving family, and living in a very exciting place and time (Italy), I believed that love and happiness and infinite manifestation was my birthright. I believed that the world was my oyster, and that I could have anything which I dreamed to be possible. This idea was my father’s supreme gift to me.

But there was a shadow in the picture, and that was my father’s bipolarity. My sisters and mother were affected, but I was okay. Nobody knew this at the time, that I was also Asperger’s (a form of autism). I was alone in my private world, and I was happy there. I lived in the domain of things and ideas. It was very rich and I lacked for nothing. When my parents separated at the age of 16, I barely noticed.

Act 2

I discovered women and my overpowering attraction to them. I was useless with them, apparently. The key to happiness was right there in front of me, but beyond my reach.

My happiness evaporated. I was left only with my friends, who were few and far between, and the intoxicating power of ideas. Later on I discovered I could write. This was a paltry substitute for the love of women. My longing for deep sexual loving tortured me day and night.

Act 3

I had my first girlfriend, and it did not go well. My second and third girlfriends were not great either. The 4th and 5th (which occurred simultaneously) almost destroyed me. But I learned a great deal.

Act 4

After recovering from girlfriends #4 and 5, I got married for the first time. I became a step-dad and we created a commune in Philadelphia that was very successful initially. There was love there, and manifestation.

For a while I was in heaven. But my unconsciousness and the cruelty of the world caught up with me. Overcome with financial and relational problems, the commune shut down and my marriage dissolved.

Act 5

Improbably given my autism, I discovered in myself gifts in emotional communication, empathy, and a super-power in vulnerability. I wrote books and became a leading figure in the Authentic Relating movement. There was a kind of desperation there, because hardly anything I had done before had worked. I was successful early on in making money, but it did not really help. It actually became a kind of obsession. And then, even money evaporated.

Act 6

I met S. and fell in love, a bit over a year ago. She is the love of my life. After an intoxicating and turbulent start, we got married last February. My mother worried, others told me it would never work. Given my history, I could definitely see their point of view. But they were wrong. It’s been difficult, and I have written about this. We are still together, as much in love as we were at the beginning. And much wiser.

Act 7

I still believe that love and happiness and infinite manifestation are always available. I never stopped believing it, and I never stopped chasing the dream.

If I had known, however, that it would take 40 years... of course I would have done things differently. I would have avoided many mistakes caused by my ignorance, selfishness and stupidity.

But I didn’t know.

“Don’t die with your music still in you” -- Wayne Dyer

What’s next?

I am currently seeing an explosion of opportunities. What’s very unique about this time of life is that the dream that I had when I discovered Authentic Relating and Circling 7 years ago, is becoming real. That dream is to take we-space practices such AR and Circling, out of the exclusive domain of personal development, and into the domain of a new world operating system. I have found a job.

I will share details later, if you like. Just stay tuned to this channel.

What is YOUR dream? How long have you carried it, and how is it going for you?